How Long Can They Take It?
by ImitationPirateShip
Summary: What happens when our favorite pirate crew goes camping? Watch Jack's new dance moves, LOTS of maple syrup that tastes like rum, and Norrington acting COOL woah ? All of this and much much more, in one halarious and pretty awkward story.
1. The Beginning

**_Author's Note_: Honestly, I really wish I owe POTC, but I don't, so yeah. I don't owe it so don't sue. The chapters are very short, so it won't take you a long time to read. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!**

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The Beginning

_A woman of about 21 walks up on stage_

**Candy**- Hello everybody! And welcome to an all new season of How Long Can They TAKE It? I'm your host, Candy Counterman! This season is different, instead of having many people, we will stick with the game group! _(Giggles)_ Oooo! This is SO exciting! Now the rules-

_Somewhere backstage_

**Will Turner**- Is it me, or is that woman a bit too creepy?

_Elizabeth Swann looks over at Jack Sparrow who's dancing with a jelly doughnut and singing Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back"_

**Elizabeth**- It depends who you're comparing it with.

**Will**- Oh so true.

**Jack**- I'm bringing sexy back! YEAH! Those other boys-

_Jack takes a bite of the doughnut and spills jelly all over himself. Immediately, two woman rush up to him and start rubbing the jelly with Tide-a-way. _

**Jack**- (_continues) _munt mo mow mo mact!

**Tia Dalma**- Jack, you can't sing for your life.

**Jack**- _(ignoring Tia and finally swallowing the remains of the doughnut) _Oh yeah?

**Pirates**- YEAH!

**Jack**- Where's ol' Davy and Barbossa? I think it'll be best if we change the subject..

**Pirates**- _(in unison) _GOOD CHOICE!

**Cotton's Parrot**- No idea! Wind in the sails, Jack is an idiot!

_Jack takes a minute to think out what the parrot said. After he's done he opens him mouth to say something back when-_

**Candy**- NOW! PLEASE WELCOME, THE AMAZING, THE FANTASTIC, THE PIRATES!!

**Mr. Gibbs**- We're on.

**Some backstage person**- Break a leg.

**Jack**- If we were really to break a leg, we wouldn't go on the show.

_Elizabeth rolls her eyes, as the pirates trudge on stage. Everyone, except Jack Sparrow.._

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**Please, please, PLEASE, review! It would take a minute of your time and would make this story so much better! I'll give you a cookie if you review.**


	2. Jack's Entrance

**Thanks for reviewing! hands you a cookie Freshly baked! Remember now, I don't own POTC. **

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Jack's Entrance 

**Commodore Norrington**- Guys? Guys..We have a problem!!

**Tia**- What now, Norry?

**Norrington**- Where's Jack?

**Will and Elizabeth**- Not good..

**Mr. Gibbs**- Not good at all..

**Norrington**- I'm scared! What if man eating crabs ate him??_ (Begins to cry)_

_Everyone stares at him_

**Tia**- Norry, how many times did ye fall on ye head?

**Norrington**- None!

_Tia raises an eyebrow_

**Norrington**- Ok! OK! 5 times..

**Candy**- _(whispering to pirates)_ SHUT up! _(To audience)_ Well! Here are our special guests! _(Big smile) _Let's hear it for: William Turner! Elizabeth Swann! Tia Dalma! _(Tia smiles in an evil way) _Mr. Cotton's Parrot! Unfortunately, Mr. Cotton couldn't make it. He's on a vacation in the Bahamas. Mr. Gibbs! David Jones-

_Davy Jones magically __appeared out of nowhere._

**Davy Jones**- IT"S DAVY!!!

**Candy**- Ok, Ok, my bad. DAVY Jones, Commodore Norrington, aaaaaannnnnnnnnndddddddddd…..JACK SPARROW!

**Pirates**- CAPTAIN!

**Candy**- Sorry, CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!!

_Cricket chirping_

**Everyone**- Where's Jack?

**Voice**- No! NO! I don't want your bloody Vodka!! I want RUM!!

_Everyone shuts up as Jack Sparrow runs on stage with a bottle of rum. Freezing, he first looks at Candy, then at the pirates, then at the audience._

**Jack**- NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! THE RUM IS MINE!!

**Candy**- Alright then..

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**Please review and tell me how I'm doing!**


	3. The Rapid Fan Girl

**Thank for reviewing! **

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The Rapid Fan Girl

**Some girl in the audience**- OH MY GOD!!_ (Screams)_ IT'S CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!!

**Jack**- Oh no. Not good. _(Starts running away) _

**Girl**- NO! JACK!! JACK!! COME BACK!! _(Chases Jack)_

_Somewhere backstage_

**Jack**- AHH!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!

_Crash of a bottle and utter silence_

**Will- **Uh oh. Jack is gonna MURDER her! She broke his bottle!

**Jack**- You did NOT just smash my rum..

**Girl**- OH MY GOD!! JACK SPARROW IS YELLING AT ME!!

**Jack**- CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!! GET OVER HERE YOU BLOODY-

_AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

**Jack**- Now! Don't EVER touch my rum again, or I will KILL you!

**Girl**- OH MY GOD!! JACK SPARROW IS GONNA KILL ME!!! _(Squeals) _

**Candy**- GET THAT (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep) OUT OF MY SHOW!!

**Girl- **_(guards swarm around her) _YOU HAVE MY WORD SPARROW!! I'LL GET YOU! I SWEAR I WILL!! YOU'LL BE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! _(Gets kicked out)_

_Jack stumbles onstage_

**Mr. Gibbs**- Mother's love Jack! What did you do to the girl?

**Jack**- The rapid one? Oh! That one! Yes. I showed her a piece of ol' Jack when he has no rum..

**Candy**- _(to audience) _Ok. After that rather -exciting- start, I would like to introduce you to Captain Jack Sparrow!

**Jack- **Wha? When did this'll happen?

**Candy**- You signed a contract for me remember? You'll appear on the survival show!

**Jack**- When in the bloody world did I do that?

**Norrington**- When you were drunk and singing the Blue's Clues Song to a bottle of rum.

**Jack**- Shut it you.


	4. No Rum and a Cabin

No Rum and a Cabin

**Davy Jones**- We're supposed to live in **_THIS??_**

_Candy frowns_

**Candy**- Don't you like it?

**Jack**- It's wet and ugly, just like ol' Davy's face!!

**Davy Jones**- WHY YOU **LITTLE**-

**Candy**_-(squints)_ It is not wet.. Nor is it ugly

_The cabin the pirates were standing in was a light shade of blue. There were four bunk beds along the left wall, and a blue couch with a medium Toshiba TV in the middle. A door was located on the right side and another on the wall in front of them._

**Jack**- Where's the bar?

_Candy stares at him_

**Candy**- What bar?

**Jack**- The bar you said was here.

**Candy**- There is no bar_ (looks puzzled)_ I never said there will be a bar.

**Jack**- Yes you DID!

**Elizabeth**- This is gonna be a long three months.

**Jack**- Where's the rum!?

**Candy**- THERE IS NO FREAKING RUM!!

**Jack**- Then what am I doing here?

_Candy rolls her eyes in an Elizabeth type style. _

**Will**- Jack, _Jack_, there is NO rum. Get that in your head.

_Jack starts to whimper. _

**Jack**- No..n-no..r-r-um?

**Mr. Gibbs**- I'm sorry Jack. We all knew there was no rum..

**Tia**- We wanted to see ye cry!!

_Jack sits on the floor and cries. _

**Jack**- Why? WHY is the world so bloody cruel??


	5. It's So Dark!

It's So Dark!

_It's dark out and Norry is scared_

**Tia Dalma**- Norry! What is up wit ye?

**Norrington- **It's dark and spooky outside

_The door creaks open and a big figure with outlined by the darkness is standing in it_

**The Figure**- Norrington..NORRINGTON!!

_Norry whimpers and curls himself into a ball, while Tia Dalma tries to keep herself from laughing. _

**Norrington**- No! Please! Don't hurt me!!!

_Another figure staggers up and starts whispering threats._

**The Figure #2**- We shall eat you unless you say "Captain Jack Sparrow is the sexiest man in the world" Three times. Then we will spare your life.

_The figure slaps the second figure_

**Norrington- **Captain Jack Sparrow is the sexiest man in the world. Captain Jack Sparrow is the sexiest man in the world. Captain Jack Sparrow is the sexiest man in the world. Please! Don't hurt me!

_Both figures go into the room laughing._

**Norrington**- OH MY GOD! THE MYSTEROUS FIGURES LOOK LIKE JACK AND DAVY JONES!

**Jack and Davy Jones**- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

_Norry starts to cry_

**Norrington**- Tia! Help! Jack and Davy are mad!! Oh no!

_Starts running and runs into the wall. Mr. Gibbs and Will run after him and peel him off the it. Jack, Davy, and Tia are laughing like crazy. Jack is rolling on the floor. Tia leans onto Davy Jones to support herself. _

**Tia**- That iz de most fun we shall have!!

**Jack**- Totally.

_Elizabeth comes into the room. _

**Elizabeth- **What happened here?

**Everyone**- Nothing.


	6. The Rules

The Rules

**Jack**- Hey, Candy!

**Candy**- What?

**Jack**- What are the rules?

**Candy**- Are you KIDDING me? I explained them about three times.

**Jack**- Well, I forgot.

_Candy sighs_

**Candy**- Well, you will live in a one bedroom cabin in my camp and-

**Jack**- Your camp's name..?

**Candy- **Candy's Cute Camp

_Jack pretends to gag_

**Jack**- What kind of camp name is that?

**Candy**- Shut up. Listen to the rules.

_Jack mutters something about rum and a corny name_

**Candy**- Well, you will live in a one bedroom-

**Jack**- Yes, we know that.

_Candy makes a fist at Jack. Jack backs away and hides behind Will._

**Jack- **Hide me eunuch!

_Will pushes him away and crosses his arms._

**Candy_- _**Shut up and listen. You will live in a one bedroom house with only a kitchen, a bathroom, and a bed for each of you. There will be no weapons and no alcohol.

_Jack whimpers_

**Candy**- There will be no bad language or we have to spray you with water. Example A.

_Some guy comes up to Jack and squirts him with th_ose _things you spray cats with. _

**Jack**- Hey! Look what you did! I have a wet spot on my new shirt!

**Tia**- Ye deserve it.


	7. Depressing Morning

Depressing Morning

**Jack**- _(groaning)_ I am SO depressed. Almost 24 hours without a drop of rum.

**Elizabeth**- Shut it.

_Jack flops back on the bed he was laying in_

**Jack**- Hey, you, eunuch.

**Will**- Wha?

**Jack**- MWAHAHAH!! You answered! That means you are a eunuch! Hahaha!

**Pirates-**_(All except Will) _– HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

_Candy walks in_

**Candy**- Rise and shine my little guinea pigs!

_Everyone stares at her_

**Candy**- _(coughs)_ Uh..I mean..uh..pirates?

_Everyone is still staring_

**Candy**- Is staring like, your special hobby or something?

**Jack**- Yeah, pretty much.

**Will**- Yeah, cause it's you we're usually staring at!

**Jack**- HEY! Take that back!

**Will**- No! make me!

**Jack**- OH I'LL MAKE YOU ALRIGHT!! 

_Jack whips out his pistol_

**Candy**- HEY! You're not supposed to have that!!

**Jack**- I'm Captain Jack Sparrow savvy? I can do anything.

**Tia Dalma**- That was so corny.

**Jack**- Yeah, I guess it was.

_Jack puts his pistol away_

**Jack**- I'm hungry. What's for breakfast?


	8. Finding Maple Syrup

Finding Maple Syrup

_Jack pokes the thing with his fork. Then he pokes Will with his fork._

**Will**- BLOODY STOP IT!

**Jack**- I didn't do anything!

**Will**- You did too!

**Jack**- I did not. Leave me alone eunuch. I'm trying to eat.

**Will**- Grrrrrr..

**Tia Dalma- **What da heck iz dat?

_Tia pokes a pancake with her fork. _

**Elizabeth**- Pancake.

_Just then Jack discovered maple syrup. Taking a straw he put it in the bottle and drank..and drank..and drank some more._

**Jack**- Mmmm..Not bad. Kinda tastes like rum

_Everyone stared at him._

**Candy**- There we go with the staring again.

_Jack gets up and leaves the table._

**Jack**- I'm gonna search for more of these in the kitchen. Don't touch my rum..

**Candy**- Maple syrup.

**Jack**- Whatever. Don't touch it.

_Jack leaves and Mr. Gibbs reaches for the maple syrup when- OMG! Jack the monkey swings from out of nowhere and steals the maple syrup!! Everyone stares at the monkey. The monkey stares at them._

**Jack the Monkey- **My maple syrup! You hear me? Mine!

_Jack the monkey runs away. Everyone stares. Jack the human returns. _

**Jack**- :O!! Where's my syrup!!

**Elizabeth**- Jack stole it!

**Jack**- _(Looks at her as though she was crazy)_

**Davy Jones**- Don't be stupid. Barbossa's pet stole it.


	9. Return of the Rapid Fan Girl

Woot! New Chapter up! Remember, I don't own POTC. Sit back and enjoy. Right now I'm working on this, not the Annoy pages. But I will get to your requests. I saved them on my computer. Right then, ON WITH THE SHOW!

I mean Rapid (Fast and stuff) If you didn't know. Not unpredictible. Remember, this story makes no sense.

Aye! On with the show!

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Return of the Rapid Fan Girl

**Jack**- Yo ho, yo ho, some maple syrup for me.

**Tia**- Shut da heck up or I shall-

**Elizabeth**- Smack you -so- hard you won't know what hit you!

**Jack**- _(Smiles evilly) _Smack that! All on the floor! Smack-

_SMACK! And there's a red spot on Jack's cheek. _

**Jack the Monkey**- Yo! You! The ugly dude with the same name as me!

_Jack points to himself_

**Jack- **Me? Cause I'm NOT ugly! I'm sexy. Norrington said so.

**Norrington**- Leave me out of this.

**Jack- **He and Will should get together sometimes. Two eunuchs in one cabin. Chaos all around!

**Jack the Monkey**- You are pathetic.

**Jack**- Really?

**Jack the Monkey**- Omg, how low can this guy get? I have the sacred maple syrup! I shall take it to the uh.. Treasured Tomb of the Maple Syrup! Yea! That's right! And nobody will stop me! MWAHAHAH _(gasp)_ HAHAHAHAH_ (Gasp) _HAHAHAHAH_ (GASP) _HAHAHAH_ (Chokes) _HAHAHAH_ (Runs away)_

**Jack**- NO! Not the SYRUP! First my RUM and now THIS too? WHY?? WHY??

_Slight pause while everyone stares at Jack. _

**Candy**- Stupid staring pirates.

_Everyone stares at her. Candy walks away. _

**Jack**- Oh it's on! You! Jack the monkey! I SWEAR of the pain of death, I will get my syrup back! Come on pirates! We're going on a treasure hunt..

_Jack takes out his pistol and cocks it. Gives everyone his hottest smile ever and starts to go out the door when-_

**The Rapid Fan Girl- **Hello Jack. Remember me?

**Jack**- I don't want to. But..

_Jacks think about something for a moment._

**Jack**- You can help me.


	10. When you Gonna get the Syrup Already?

When you Gonna go get the Syrup Already?

**Girl**- JACK THE MONKEY WILL DIE!

_Everyone stares at her. _

**Candy**- I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! WHAT THE HECK'S WITH ALL THE STARING?

**Will- **No idea.

**Girl**- Jakiieee. I have a surprise for you!

**Jack**- Me? Cool!

_The girl pulls out of bottle of rum. Jack faints, gets up, and grabs the rum away from the girl. Just then a heavenly light shines on the bottle. No not really. Davy Jones just opened the curtains. Too bad Jack didn't see that. _

**Jack**- Ohhhahhh! It's r-r-r-u-u-u-m-m-m – RUM!

_Drains the bottle._

**Jack**- Thanks. Ok everyone! Jack is gonna DIE! First, we cover our selves up with marshmallows, and then eat a ton of spaghetti, then go take a nap and KILL JACK THE MOKEY!!

**Elizabeth**- _(In an Yzma type fashion) _ It's brilliant, Brilliant, BRILLIANT!

_Everyone stares_

**Davy Jones**- Jack? Uh, Jack's outside getting drunk on maple syrup. We should-

**Jack**- HEY! THAT'S MY JOB!

**Davy Jones**- Just grab him.

**Jack**- Oh, ok. Everyone, to the outdoors then! CHARGE!

**Girl**- _(Falls on knees holding a wedding ring.) _Jack? Will you marry me?

_Everyone stares at the girl then at Jack. _

**Jack-** No you eunuch.

**Mr. Gibbs**- WTF?

**Jack**- SECURITY!

_Girl gets dragged away._

**Tia and Elizabeth**- That was weird.

**Jack**- Yeah. Oh well, that was so thirty seconds ago. To Jack the monkey!


	11. The Quest is On!

The Quest is On!

**Elizabeth**- So I should grab him with the net?

**Everyone- **YES!

**Elizabeth**- Oh ok.

**Tia Dalma**- Uh..Jack? This is utterly stupid.

**Will_- _**He's high on syrup.

_Jack is seen doing the limbo with Jack the Monkey and Cotton's Parrot._

**Jack**- HOW LOW CAN YOU GO??

**Parrot**- Down low, oh yeah! Down low, oh yeah!

**Monkey**- I can do the twist!!

_Everyone stares_

**Davy Jones**- Well, this is awkward.

**Norrington-** Mr. Jack sir?

**Jack**- Wha?

**Norrington**- Not you! Mr. Monkey?

**Monkey**- What?

**Norrington**- Can I have the maple syrupback please?

**Monkey**- Yeah sure whatever.

_Monkey hops away. Everyone stares at Jack, then the place where the monkey ran away, then at each other. _

**Jack**- MY MAPLE SYRUP!

_Drinks syrup and falls over_

**Elizabeth**- I never got to use the net!

**Mr. Gibbs**- Oh well.

**Norrington**- I want to try the syrup.

_The door opens. Candy walks in with some shopping bags. There's a bottle of maple syrup sticking out.._


	12. WTF?

WTF?

**Mr. Gibbs**- NO! MY SYRUP!

**Elizabeth**- _Yanks syrup away_ No! Mine!

_Norrington sits in the corner and begs everybody to stop fighting_

**Jack**- _Grabs syrup away drunkenly and tries to open it _OPEN!!

**Gibbs- **Need help?

**Jack**- _Drunkenly slurred as he opens the syrup and takes a big gulp_- Shuddup! I dunneed your help! _Sings drunkenly_ ON TOP OF SHPAGHETTIES! ALL COVERED IN FLEAS..LALALALALALAL LA! LALALALALALA!!

_Everyone stares including Candy._

**Davy Jones**- WTF?

**Mr. Gibbs**- Hey! That's my line!

**Davy Jones- **Too bad! Get over it!

**Candy**- There is absouletly, positively no way he could get drunk on maple syrup. _Shakes her head_

**Elizabeth**- But he did.

**Will**- Small world

**Pirates**- Yeah

**Jack**- I shall…commendeer… the…uh…next bottle of…uh..that..(_falls over)_

**Davy Jones**- Intense.

**Pirates**- Yeah.

**Elizabeth**- Hey. _Walks over to Davy Jones_ You're acting cool…I LIKE it!

_Davy Jones screams _like_ a girly girl_

**Davy Jones**- Get your paws of me-

**Elizabeth**- Ewwww. You're all slimy. Go buy a life on E-Bay or something. _Looks around and spots Will. _WILL! OMG! Davy is sooooo weird! Ewww.

**Jack**- _muffled_ I see a light..

_Spongebob jumps out_

**Spongebob**- I'm GOOFY GOOBER!!!

**Pirates**- ROCK!

**Jack**- Whathappneded? Everything is so confusing. OMG! THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN!!

**Patrick- **Sup?

**Jack**- The world turned- WHA??


	13. Cool?

_Norrington walks out. Everyone's jaw drops._

**Davy Jones**- Something's wrong with dis picture.

**Tia**- Ye think?

**Elizabeth**- WTF?

**Mr. Gibbs**- Everyone's been stealing my lines! _(Goes in corner and cries)_

**Will**- This. Is. Impossible.

**Jack**- _(just walked out of the bathroom. Falls to the ground screaming)_ IT BURNS!! IT BURNS!!!

**Norrington**- What up my dogs back home?

**Tia**- That does NOT look right.

_Jack gets up, walks about two feet and trips over a crumb._

**Jack**- What the heck? Clean up after yourself people!

**Spongebob**- YOU STOLE MY MUSCLES!!

**Pirates**- :O

_Norrington is wearing Spongebob's fake muscles, a purple shirt with polka dots that's WAY too small, orange jeans, and Goofy's hat._

**Norrington**- I've decided I've gone keeewwwlll.

**Jack**- That word should NOTcome out of your mouth. It's reserved for _moi_.

**Pirates**- OoOoOoOoHhHhH…

**Davy Jones**- You just got _dissed.._

**Norrington- **OH YEAH?

**Jack**- YEAH! Déjà vu..

**Norrington- **At least the _ladies_ love me..

**Candy**- _(just comes in) _Who the heck is that freak in MY _(:O) _polka dot shirt? And did he just

say the _ladies_ love him?

_Candy runs to throw up in the bathroom_

**Candy**- EWWWW! SOMEONE DIDN'T FLUSH!

**Jack**- Wasn't me..


	14. The Curtains Close

**Candy- **..and that concludes Season 1!!

_Crazy audience clapping_

**Rapid Fan Girl**- _(in chains with two huge guards) _YEAH! GO JACK!!!

**Candy**- I have a surprise for you! Since Season 1 is over, the pirate crew have decided to put something together. Please give a hand to-

_Fergalicious starts playing. Jack Sparrow comes ou_t, _wearing a cool artistic design of a long T-shirt, funky jeans, and a flipped hat. Then the rest of the pirate crew comes out, and Will, also looking quite hot, jumps in front of Jack._

**Pirates**- FOUR, TRES, TWO, UNO!!

**Will- **_(dressed as Will I Am) _Listen up ya'll! Cause this is it! The beat that I'm banging is DE-LI-CIOUS!

**Jack**- _(Female fans faint. Including me)_

Jackalicious definition make them girls go loco!

They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo!

You can see me, you can't squeeze me.

I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy.

I got reasons why I tease them,

Girls just come and go like seasons!

**Pirates- **

Jackalicious. So delicious!

But he ain't promiscuous.

And if you was suspicious,

All that trash is fictitious.

He's a captain. YEAAAHHH!

That puts them girls on rock, rock

And they be lining down the block just to watch what he got-

**Will- **FOUR, TRES, TWO, UNO

**Candy**- And..thats enough!

_Pirates shut up. _

**Candy**- Thank you for that…wonderful…song.

**Jack and Will**- ROCK ON!

**Candy**- Well, I hope you enjoyed the Season 1 of How Long Can They TAKE It? Thanks for joining us on…

**Everyone- **HOW LONG CAN THEY TAKE IT???

_Crazy clapping. Pirates stand up and take a bow. _

**Jack Sparrow**- Thank you ladies and gentlemen! Thank you very much!!!

**Elizabeth Swann**- You know, this was fun. We should do this again sometime!

**Candy**- GIVE IT UP FOR THE PIRATES!!

_More crazy clapping, as the curtain closes_

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**Author's note: And that concludes this story! Thank you so much for reading it! If you enjoyed it, please drop a review. And if you didn't, drop a rewiew anyway and tell me what you would have done instead. I'm sorry that the last chapters weren't interesting, and I didn't have enough time to make them really good, so sorry. Um..What else now? I might write another fanfic, and if you want me to write a long one like t****his, or stick to one or two paged ones like the Annoy pages. Please include that in your review. And if you have some ideas, I'll be more than happy to read them!**

Thanks so much for reading this,

Popcorn Day USA


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